Stand Up and Call a Cease Fire

Dear Friends of Pagosa,

Wishing you an effective public meeting of the minds.

As an outsider now looking in, it is sometimes painful to watch the ongoing war that the community seems to find itself in while attempting to define itself and its future. To my eyes, all moves and plans to create something new in Pagosa are met with outright hostility, venom and an inability to really talk.

When I was a boy getting into a fight with my brother, my dad would always say "it takes two to tango". I used to hate that. "But dad, he started it". "You didn't see what he did!" My dad would just stick with his theory that there ain't no fight unless two parties show up to get it on.

More recently, I've tried showing up in my marriage with a style of "thinking" called "I am right and she is wrong". Sometimes that feels pretty good but it sure doesn't work out well. I have tried "it is all your fault. You are to blame." I mean, it seems obviously so to me. But again, that approach doesn't work too well.

I suggest to y'all, that what I find doesn't work in my marriage, doesn't work on a community level either.

Being sure that you are "right" and that those other people are "wrong" gets you locked into positions and beliefs. Of course, this leads to "good people" and "bad people".

"I am right" and "you are to blame" are part of a very popular style of "thinking".

Consider that "being right" doesn't get you what you want. I mean, sure, "your side" might "win" this time. But what have you "won", really? If you can't talk and you don't have an agreed upon common plan then you've only guaranteed yourself, with your "win", that you are going to have another battle.

On those infrequent occasions that I can get out of my "thinking" of right and wrong and get away from blame -- only then do I have the slightest chance of having an enjoyable, effective relationship with my wife.

Having participated in a few of the Pagosa Springs "battles" myself and having made some people "wrong" and made myself "right", I can tell you this. It didn't make a bit of difference. Not really.

I kind of can't help but watch the war that the community of Pagosa is in with itself over every possible move to articulate and move towards a future . Probably, my addiction to the Pagosa drama has a lot to do with all the ways that I see in myself this drama of "going to war" play out with myself and others.

Someone is going to be "wrong" today. And somebody is going to be "right". Somebody is going to "win" and someone is going to "lose". Either way, the community will still be at war with itself.

Isn't it time for a few adults to stand up and call a cease fire?
Anyone?